A Painful Yes

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You know what it's like to feel pain. We all go through it at various times and at different levels. No matter what 'kind' of pain, it hurts. Knowing this, you have to take a step back and meet a person where they're at because even if you've walked through something

similar, you are not them. You handled that pain differently. Your tolerance is not theirs.

For me, starting this blog is painful. Of course, I've endured many broken bones, illnesses, loss of loved ones, and conquered childbirth but this is different. This pain is rooted in something that I struggle with every single day - pleasing others. You may be a people pleaser yourself or know someone who does what ever it takes to make sure you and the environment you're in remain 'happy' and/or 'comfortable'.

Mental health is serious. You know this. You also know that it can come in so many forms and look very different. Some embrace it and some hide it with various outlets. I truly believe that we are all fighting some form of mental strife especially in today's society where we have access to everything, anytime, anywhere. It can be hard to silence the noise. The urge I have to constantly please others is exhausting. It really does bring me joy to see those around me and in my life at peace. On the other side of that, I physically feel pain when someone around me is not 'happy' even if the circumstances are out of my control. Trust me, the Lord knows this about me and I have to lay this at his feet constantly.

Painful experiences lead to fear. So respectfully, the pain I have experienced when enduring situations where the room is not at peace, has led to fear. Fear of not having control. Fear of letting others down. Fear of failing others because I could not maintain a desirable atmosphere. Fear of rejection that follows these scenarios. I know you're thinking this sounds crazy. That these are definitely all things that will be mostly be out of my control. These are not my responsibilities. I know this, but the enemy loves to use this in his favor to drive me away from a Father who does have control over these things.

You guessed it. Fear then leads to anxiety. I never would have called this anxiety because over the years I have seen what anxiety looks like in those close to me and I knew that's not something I really struggle with. After many growing years and the Lord revealing to me things about myself that I had a strong hold on, I know now that anxiety - like every other mental battle - look differently in everyone. Which can make it difficult to identify if you're constantly comparing your struggles to others. Comparison. What a lovely enemy we have to face every day. Something that deserves it's own time to discuss because as long as we give it our attention, it will steal our joy.

I've always said I would never want to be famous. Never in the public eye. That just opens the door for all kinds of confrontation and rejection. I have to give it to all those who are in the public eye enduring the cruelty that it can bring. But it's not always bad. These (negative) feelings I have towards publicity has made me want to change my perception of it. It's not always negative. It can be a really powerful platform that ignites change.

You're probably thinking why am I starting a journey that will bring on more pain, fear, and anxiety to my life? Because I have chosen to say 'yes'. Yes to a call that I don't know where it will end. Yes to a journey that might be filled with more confrontation than my soul is comfortable with having. BUT, that's the beauty of following the Lord. Moses had no idea what his journey would look like as he continued to choose to remain faithful to God throughout all the years in and out of Egypt. He did know that God had a good heart and that he was always doing work to lay a foundation and pathway for his children.

This journey will be filled with how the Lord encourages me to keep an eternal perspective on circumstances in life. In this era we live in, the internet can feel very saturated with bloggers and influencers. My goal is to not become a famous blogger or even close to being an influencer. My goal is to share what the Lord leads me to see and perceive through an eternal lens. If I reach many, praise. If I reach few, praise. I know my views will not be agreeable with everyone - this is where the pain, fear, and anxiety come in to play.

Jesus was loved and adored by many, but he was also hated by many. Don't let your answer to the Father be a 'no' because you fear that others will not support you. Chances are, there will be plenty who don't. None of that matters when you know that He is who will be standing there waiting for you at those beautiful gates to embrace you because he loves you. He loves you. He always will. He's the ultimate judge.